Regret spilled out of her bedroom door and into her kitchen sink. Regret was in her silverware as she meticulously cleaned each piece. Regret followed her, like a shadow, reminding her of the horrors and uncertainty that she had faced; that she was still facing.
Suzy was 18 when she found out she was pregnant. The test strip showed positive. She lived with her boyfriend, Ronny, since she was 16. Her parents kicked her out. Said she was a fucking slut for sleeping around. Her mom didn't even know that Phil, her step-dad, had touched her in the wrong places several times since middle school. She told no one. She trusted even less.
Ronny was 27 and worked long hours at Wal-Mart. He spent his money on booze and came home every night drunk from a night out with friends. The only time he would acknowledge Suzy's existence was when he was beating her, for not having things clean when he got back, for not putting enough salt on his dinner, for not packing his lunch for work, for not giving him the money she earned as a babysitter so he could buy more booze and get all shitfaced and beat her some more. For everything.
There was conflict. Suzy dropped out of high-school when she moved in with him. Took up babysitting; loved kids. Loved Ronny even more. She didn't care that she was 16 and he was 25 when they first fucked. The way he held her close and took her away from Phil intoxicated her. But soon, he would get angry, yell in her face and then cry that he didn't mean it. Soon, the yelling turned to pushing. The pushing turned to punching. Always, followed by flowers and "I'm sorry" and pleads that he would be better. He would get jealous when she hung out with girl friends, too. Suzy hadn't seen her friends in years. She didn't want to risk hurting him. She didn't want to risk another beating if she could avoid it. These days, the flowers came less and less.
Suzy took the hanger from her bedroom closet. She hadn't told Ronny about her pregnancy. She told no one. She trusted even less.
The hanger felt cold and menacing; a sad antagonist. She turned it over again and again in her hands, wondering what to do with it. She knew what to do. There was no other choice. They weren't on insurance and couldn't afford anything else. There was nowhere to go. Ronny would beat her up again if he found out she wasn't going straight home anyway. She never went out. It would be too suspicious. He would know. He always does. She walked out the door and into the kitchen. She loved kids. She couldn't bare raise one with Ronny; how abusive he would be. She couldn't bare to leave him either. She had no one else.
She began to bleed. She was dripping. Her stomach felt sick. She was vomiting. All over the kitchen sink. The dishes were dirty. The silverware needed to be cleaned. She scrubbed furiously, trying to wash the dirty spots. Rubbing again and again on the same spot. The silverware was still dirty. She felt woozy. Was she going to faint? Was she dying? She was crying. She couldn't bare to kill her kid. All she could think about was the blood on the floor, and the beating she would get. He would be home soon.
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43 wandering stars:
Wow. I hope this time the story was wholly fiction...
Wow. Great intensity in such a short piece! I love the repitition of detail for effect - it works well here!
So trapped...so sad.
Errant Gosling - someday, somewhere, this story is true. for me, it is a fiction.
DJPare - Thanks for stopping by my Sunday Scribbs piece. I'm glad it achieved some intensity, and repetition is probably one of my more common story telling tricks (it seems).
omg, i am so happy this is fiction but like u said, sadly it may be someones reality.
great writing!
I hope this is fiction too. Gripping and intense. Difficult to read but well written.
PS: The first Write a Book Challenge update is posted over at My Poetic Path, hope you stop by soon.
This is so sad and sadder still because I can imagine it being a true story for someone. The first part could have been my daughter but I am so proud of her that she had the strength to get out of there before things developed further.
Wow. This is a good story.
Brilliant and intense. A terrible reality sadly often faced.
This is absolutely amazing. Way to capture the moment, her feeling, her fears, and the reader, in just a few paragraphs.
Great job.
You're right I am sure. But I am glad at least that it was fiction for you.
Great writing! Repetition of detail seems to really be one of your good techniques. For some odd reason, this reminds me of myself when I'm distressed or anxious. I clean my apartment at dawn because I can't sleep.Lol.
Wow, this was intense, and well written. I liked the repeating "she told no one, she trusted even less"
that resonates with me.
Great writing albeit the truth of this situation is sad.
be well
how strange, how we can write a fiction that sounds, and may be is, a true story to some one else somewhere.
just like that canceled first birthday I wrote :D
All I thought while reading this post (and after your response to Errant) was that while we're just here writing and thinking about it, someone somewhere out there is actually experiencing it. Right now.
My stomach clenches.
My body turns away from the screen, trying to distance itself.
White frames my knuckles.
Sunlight beats in the window, drying my eyes.
Eyes that don't blink.
Eyes fixated by the pixels that resolve into letters that resolve into words that resolve into horror.
Eyes ignoring the back that wants to twist away.
Eyes ignoring the plea in the front brain, begging them to spin away.
Eyes heeding the back brain.
The hind brain.
The primal brain.
Sucked in by the drama.
Utterly absorbed.
Glad it was fiction for you and well written fiction, too, but you are so right when you say that it is nonfiction for someone somewhere. Well done!
This piece invoked such as suffocating sensation - nicely done.
ah, marital abuse, so apparent in all parts of the world. the flow of your words left this reader intrigued. how i wish this is indeed a fiction but i witnessed some too and i know its real.
Wow...nice story there...
Captured the emotions of the girl so well...
may i say that the girl's emotions and feelings and how you have worked through everything about her in words has simply taken me back to the facts which i once had to be a part of. amazingly written floreta.
i just hope no girl has to live through this.
Painful, very very painful. Fiction and yet real...
lucy - thank you, glad it is fiction too.
geraldine - when i wrote this i didn't intend or think that it would be difficult to read. i am still sometimes amazed by the power of words, even as a writer. i will try to check out your book challenge too!
linda may - i am happy that your daughter was able to get out.
strawberry swirl - thank you! hope to see you again.
anthony north - terribly true.
gigidiaz - thank you. glad it was captivating.
the demigoddess - glad you've noticed/caught on to my technique! while i don't clean when i'm stressed, i know a lot of women that do so i invoked this in the story..
tanya - that part resonates with me as well..
latree - i thought the same when i read your story (hoping it was a fiction.. glad you confirm it!)
cheryl - you're right. i wanted to write about something jarring, important..
sepiru chris - wow, thank you for this! your response is beautiful in itself.
tumblewords - thank you.
john tran - sorry if it was suffocating or uncomfortable.
totomai - yes, sadly it is not such a fiction.
nairobi - thank you. i'm glad i could capture the girl's feelings effectively.
seher - sorry you had to experience that, and if that took you back in a hurtful or trigger way. but if i captured your feelings then this is right on, even if i, the writer, have not experienced it firsthand. i just have read a lot about it and know how the dynamics work..
jeeves - to true..
Dear Floreta,
You are welcome and thank you, in return, for your compliment.
Inspiration comes from many places, but especially, I think, from the hindbrain.
Beauty and ugliness both can inspire, but most of us manage to simply enjoy the beauty.
The ugliness we have to analyze, with the forebrain's conceit that making sense of it will make it make sense.
The subject matter of your prose today is ugly.
Your prose, however, is the sheerest of garments that Beauty might wear, garments that reveal some of Beauty herself to mere mortal eyes and minds.
Tschüss,
Chris
My question is what do see as the personification of Beauty? Today I saw a jagged gypsy... And so I thank you again.
first. i am an avid fan of PANDAS. :]
and second. how heartbreaking this story is. fiction, but maybe not.
~C.
you're a great writer.
I'm torn up
Powerfully written message - if only she had someone to turn to...
Im actually crying now..this is really sad. And a very good piece. This reminds me of a song called Love Song by my favorite rapper, Jean Grae. Looking for love in all the wrong places, too young and dumb to call it quits.
This is so true even in today's world! The women often fall prey to male chauvinism and yet go on loving their sweethearts unselfishly;they are always expected to absorb the pain and are subjugated the moment they rebel against something.Also teenagers commit mistakes emotionally and then they have nobody to fall back upon.
This may be fiction yet there are numerous instances like this around the globe.Hope your work works an eye-opener for some!Bye the way,I've started following your blog and will reply to your mail shortly.I'm a bit busy right now.And I'd love to be a part of Sunday Scribbles but don't know how I can have bloggers from there visiting my blog.
Cheers,
Deeptesh
Great story. So sad but it's a reality for some people.
Once, not so long ago, I got drunk with a friend who had a really bad case of heavy menstrual flow. Or so I thought. When she started bleeding really bad, she admitted she had taken Cytotec to abort her baby. She won't let me take her to the doctor but eventually she got so dizzy that I had to take her to the hospital. That ws a scary experience...She, too, wasn't ready for the baby and had no one to turn to, not her family and not her bf. This may be fiction but it strikes home.
I'm glad this was fictional for you, but sad for every female who has gone through this first hand. I felt sick to my stomach while reading this...my empathy for this young girl was overwhelming. It was a gut wrenching but gripping read! Your words simply flow...
Intense. Very.
I know what I would have done to either one of these ****, but sadly not everyone can do it.
(Now I have Nickelback in mind,...)
That was sensational. I felt all kinds of woozy, bad, sick, creeped out and so immeasureably sad during and after the wind-up.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of truth for some in this piece. If only they could find a way out. Very powerful story.
Wow.
haven't read through the other comments, so this maybe repeated.. but personally i thought this piece was great. very hard-hitting and intense; i was totally sucked in.
looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
Omg, wow...
This is heart-wrenching and amazing. A true gift to write something so powerful that I am sure we all felt this on a physical level.
Love your writing as always.
Although sadly not an unusual scenario, this was written like a feature in a news story. Clipped sentences emphasize the gravity of her situations. Well-done!
Sepiru Chris - I think your comments here inspired, to an extent, my latest poem (paragraph and poem). :) i also liked your reference to the dance here. nice one.
hrix - welcome! please come back again. i LOVE pandas too, obviously. :)
chase - thank you, sir. :)
sweettalkingguy - yes, if only..
insomniaclolita - wow, i'm sorry to make you cry babe. i had nooo idea this would have such strong reactions from people w/ words alone.
deeptesh - you seem to be doing well for yourself on your blog. still waiting for your email. :)
chloie - yes, and that's the sad part..
love crackhead - thank you for sharing your personal experience here.
fledgling poet - thank you! i hope to approach more 'ugly' here..
nicoleb - you seem strong! and nickelback? which song?
missalister - that's a lot of emotions!
BJ Roan - thanks so much!
JM - thanks for commenting and stopping by.
niyo - thanks! hope to see you here again soon!
kristan - thanks for your comments here. i appreciate it!
attaining me - thank you. i had no idea this would have such physical, strong reactions. i'm blown away.
GeL - the clipped sentences do fit the piece and style. thanks for noticing. :)
geeze louise! that was rough! arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! - ya hadda go and spring that - just like that.
God! that was good. :-0
keep on bloggin' i'll keep on readin'
:-)
..
.ero
bare eyed sun - thank you for reading this! glad it could have more exposure.
This is so sad, so terrible, so painful, so dreadful. I can't bear the thought of someone experiencing this fictional story. :(
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